


Situational ethics

by ZHIREM



Series: A moral spectrum [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Grammer fail, My First AO3 Post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:22:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4559253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZHIREM/pseuds/ZHIREM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers are trying to fix the wrong thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Situational ethics

The thing is, he's tired. Tired of the running, tired of the dreams, tired of the justifications of those who would use him. They all seem to have agendas regarding how he should behave and think. They build up their illusionary memories of how he was with sepia tinted remembrance, disregarding anything that does not match their desires. He remembers most of it now, the years and missions. How is he to explain to Steve that the person Steve remembers is no more real or valid then all the other people he has been. 

He was Bucky for 23 years, Sasha for ten years, Maric for two years, Joachim for 2 sets of 4 months, Yasha for 8 years, and the list goes on. The chair had been a later addition, a so-called better method of control. All the chair really did was break down some of his earliest conditioning and make him forget for a time, and hurt. It was only after the Soviets sold him to Hydra that he was taken out of storage only for missions, and then frozen directly after the assigned mission was complete. Before that he had lived lives; however long or short they had been, they had still been full lifetimes.

He had amnesia when the Soviets took him. Then, when the Soviets were done breaking him, he was Sasha. A loyal soldier, who believed in doing his duty by his state and for his people. Sasha wasn't even that different from who he had been in his previous life, after all, a sniper=was a sniper=was a sniper. How were the people he killed for America any different from the people he killed for Russia? America, like any country, is and was no bastion of the good and right. Countries, like people really, always have justifications and rationalizations for the actions they do and do not take but, like every other country, it is evil at its seams.

Sasha had an old woman who lived in an apartment next to his base that he gave his extra rations to. He helped around her house when he had free time, her son had died in the war and she was alone. He thought of her as his grandmother, even though she wasn't, and grieved for her when he came back from a mission to learn she had died. Maric had a girl he married in Moscow. Her dress had been beautiful and her eyes, when she spoke her vows, glowed like stars - so very bright. She died giving birth to a stillborn daughter while he was in Algeria killing a colonel. The list of lifetimes goes on. He lived those lifetimes: love, hate, grief, joy, they were lived and they were real; with all the attending trappings, entanglements, and complications. Lifetime, after lifetime, after lifetime. Valid and real.

How could he think Bucky's life anymore real then all the other lives? Why should he turn himself into someone he hasn't been for over 70 years? Why would Steve think he should do that just to make Steve more comfortable? Why would Steve think their past relationship was any more meaningful then the one he shared with Natasha, who he had trained and ran missions with when he was Yasha. He might have been born as Bucky but, in a way, he had been born into all his other lives as well. 

None of them are interested in him, they're just interested in the ghosts they see in him and he is so very tired of it all. 

"Hey Bucky want to go train some?" 

"I don't think I can be that person anymore. I've seen and done too many things. I'm just not Bucky anymore."

"Don't worry no one blames you for what happened and what they made you do. You were a prisoner. They kept messing with your mind. You'll always be Buck to me."

........."yeah, that's the problem".........


End file.
